Then somehow, a recently published autobiography came up in conversation and seriously touched a nerve.
I Saw This Happen
By Wishful Thinking
Grown Man # 1: No, I haven’t read it! It’s a poor book authored by a terrible writer about his non-life.
Grown Man #2: (startled, and irritated) As opposed to who? You?
Grown Man # 1: Well, I’m not writing an autobiography… (short pause, after which #1 leans over the arm of his chair so that his face is right in front of #2s nose. He lowers his voice.) …and if I were you, I’d watch your tone.
GrownMan#2: (laughing) Or what?! You’ll beat me up?
Grown Man#1: (snarling. serious.) I know people. I could pay someone to beat you up.
I was shocked. I was appalled. It was like watching something on television, unreal, unfolding in front of me, except better! This was entertainment at its best -- actually reality! You know, that thing all the television networks keep claiming to show?
Luckily, no fists were fired that night…or hired, for that matter. The two eventually calmed down. I, however, learned a valuable lesson:
Threatening someone with a hit man (get it? Hit man?) instead of just decking them outright really doesn’t pack quite the same punch. And furthermore, it’s not impressive to the ladies.