Wednesday, August 17, 2011

In Which I Hit Some Bumps, and a Top 5 List

When we had a sort of surprise guest spend the night a few weeks ago, I threw the guestroom into a temporary state of together. How does one have a "sort of" surprise guest? It goes a little like this:

P: I guess I better get the litter boxes cleaned out.

Me: (not listening) Yeah.

P: Did you put sheets on the bed down there?

Me: (dawning alarm) What?.... Where? Why?

P: My colleague is coming tonight.

Me: WAIT. WHAT? You told me he was coming sometime in the next two weeks!

P: That was a week ago, and he's coming tonight.

Cue panic.

So the poor man got to sleep in a room that has one royal purple wall, one bright turquoise wall, glow-in-the-dark stars stuck on the ceiling and lyrics to pop songs scrawled on the windows in multicolored chalkboard markers.

Today, my intent was to begin the rehabilitation of once-teen, now public, bedroom. Unfortunately, my good intentions were routed by the joint pincer attack of more guest surprises (this time just for the afternoon) and having bought the wrong materials yesterday. In short, my progress was rather pathetic. And I'm starting to feel desperate.

Therefore, I present the following Top 5 List of songs I found through thorough scientific analysis. Of my memory. That I can think of right now. Anyway the point is, they win the award for Most Pathetic and Desperate Songs Ever Made.

5. Don't You Remember, by Adele
What's a song list without Adele, anyway. She's all the way down at number five because it's such a good song that GIRL, I REMEMBER. WHY. I. LOVE. it's less pathetic. Shhhhh, Adele, it'll be ok. Actually, don't shhh. Keep singing.

4. In fact, sing Someone Like You because I didn't want you to hog the Top 5 List but that song is totally pathetic and desperate too. So hog away.

3. Jolene, by (do I even have to say?) Dolly Parton
Parton me, but this might be one of the most humble songs sung by sure-fire diva ever written. Especially when you consider that it is addressed to another woman, not just beggin' to a man. Anyone can beg a man. It takes some desperation to up and beg to another woman.

2. I Who Have Nothing, by Ben E King
I know, the version I linked doesn't look like the tall black man you were expecting, but I just can't help but like this version is all it's pomp and drama. Being from American Idol just makes it that much more desperate and pathetic. Just kidding. Maybe.

1. You Don't Have to Say You Love Me, Dusty Springfield.
...just be close at hand. You don't have to stay forever, I will understand. Believe me, believe me, I can't help but love you, but I would never tie you down. Seriously! This has to be the ultimate desperation song. Alright Dusty. You sure can sing, but this is going a bit far. Allow me to introduce you to my good friend, Dignity. You two need to get to know each other a little bitter. I mean better.

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